it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
