I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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