what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
