I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
