When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize