things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
