"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
