one might say we're banned from that church
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
