Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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