when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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