she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize