i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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