I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
