Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
