o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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