roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
