I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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