So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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