a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
