I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
