look no pants
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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