You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
