my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
