He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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