so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
