I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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