Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
