i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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