Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
