NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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