yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
