ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
