Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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