I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize