just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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