Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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