We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
