I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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