I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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