He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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