So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
