Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
