I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
