my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
