she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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