He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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