I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
