what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I am morally bankrupt
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
