i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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