I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
