we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
