if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
