The best revenge is premature balding
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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