It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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