It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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