So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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