We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
