Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have tasted many bathrooms
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
