ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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