Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
