Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i came on her dog
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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