When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
