his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
