I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
