If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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