Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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