I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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